I cut one of the last threads to my "old life" today when I went back to my school to clean out my desk and turn in all my things. I meant to do this weeks ago, but I... put it off. Sometimes I have trouble with endings, even when they're good, and this is a pretty big one. So long, old life! No more grad school, no more lucrative and respectable engineering career. I'm a free agent, now. Traveling yogi, soon enough. It feels radical and right.
After, I walked down to the beach. Today was a beautiful day. We were supposed to have pouring rain all week here, but by mid-morning the rain had stopped and the sun had come out. The waves were higher than usual, and the wind was cool and salty. There was seaweed all over the parking lot that had blown up during the storm. The ocean was big and wild. I liked it.
I tasted the air and felt like I was ready to really move forward.
I heard a saying once. "The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea." My usual medicine is sweat, but sometimes the sea can also give you what you need. (So can tears. Months ago, I sat in my car at 6am at that same beach and cried, and then when I was done, I knew exactly what I needed to do next.)
Duffy gave a beautiful quote today, from Rolf Gates: "Letting go is the opposite of fearing death; it is trusting life. When we let go of something, our hand opens and we are able to receive." I read that, and wondered who had let him into my head. When we let go of something, our hand opens.... Yes. Letting go means opening a window and letting the old clutter rush out, to be replaced by fresh air. Then you can breathe.